Taking BLS for a BJ. A Bon Jovi concert. 📷: @b___l___s Image description: I’m posing in a black @mango Violeta jumpsuit that @nicoleocran gave me! In front of a bright blue board illustrated like a speaker.
I hear the term, ‘taking care of your inner child,’ a lot but I never understood what it meant until I started therapy. For a long time I’ve held onto pain for all of the things that went on in my childhood. Resentments towards those closest to me. Neglect. Anger. Frustration. Grief. And that manifested in treating myself like shit. Not eating right. Too many Diet Cokes, not enough water. Not moving. Drowning in sorrow. Hateful words to myself. To others. Hateful thoughts about myself. My therapist encouraged me today to think about a child I once taught. How would I treat that child? Would I be ok if they neglected their health? If they called themselves stupid? If they told me they were a failure? If they were hurting, what would I do? And I know the answer because I did used to nurture, teach and care for so many children. I’d hug them when they were sad. I’d encourage them when they were nervous. I’d feel pride in their achievements. I’d watch out for them on the playground. I’d compliment their abilities. I’d empower their ambitions. Getting in touch with your inner child is about doing all of those things for yourself. It’s about being the parent or the older sister or the best friend of the child inside that’s hurting, that’s confused, that needs someone. So that’s what I’m doing today. I’m caring for that inner child and I’m making it my mission to learn more about what she needs and providing it. Scroll across to see letters to my teachers and a fucking exquisite self-portrait because today I’m remembering that inner child who so loved the Spice Girls and Take That because she’s the woman today who would literally die for Mel C.
My sister brought round photos of us as teenagers that she’d found whilst clearing out our Aunt’s place. I was drowning in Umbro trackies and a Chelsea shirt 5x my size. In the next photo my hair was Schlick to my head with grease, my braces peeked out from an unconfident grimace and my greige polo shirt from Sports Direct had a stain on it. I used to get called a tomboy. Was told by boys in school that they’d ask me out if I was slimmer and girlier. I had to choose Chris Kirkpatrick as my fake-NSYNC-boyfriend because ‘there’s no way JC Chasez would date someone like you.’ But it wasn’t a tomboy you were looking at. It was someone who was never taught how to ‘take care of themselves’. It was someone who had fat-stigma so entrenched that she didn’t believe she could wear anything that clung to her stomach or showed off her ‘tree trunk legs.’ Even from the age of 11. But this is someone who now knows how to take ‘pride’ in themselves (even if it’s just for leaving the house). Someone who isn’t quite fully body confident but enough to get her bez out in front of a mirror for Instagram. It isn’t someone who’ll pretend to know what it’s like to NOT be ‘acceptably fat’ but it’s someone who wants to show others like her, that you are deserving of confidence, - even if you still need that greige polo shirt for comfort. I want to show that you don’t have to be ‘Insta-worthy’ to feel at home in yourself. That your past indiscretions against your body don’t need to reverberate today. I’m on a journey to appreciating me and my body more. I won’t always get it right. I might reach for the trackies every so often. But at least I know you’re with me!
I still love this navy sofa but my fuck am I excited for the day we can decorate our own place. Barry from Eastenders face on all the door knobs? Sure. Swirly brown wallpaper? I mean, we could! What are your favourite interiors trends and HMU with any accounts that I can stalk for alllll the inspo if our not-so-secret house-buying plans come off...
AD | Finding stylish, sexy and confidence-boosting outfits for summer events has never been my strong point. I used to cry at my wardrobe in frustration. I wished I could just wear ‘jeans and a nice top’, or I’d cancel going altogether. But as you know I’m on my confidence journey and the babes over at @simplybeuk have stepped in when I needed them. Swipe across to see how I’ve styled 3 summer occasion outfit options. Feel free to save this post if you ever feel like you’ve got nothing to wear - hopefully this’ll give you a bit of inspo! Which is your favourite outfit, 1, 2 or 3? #WeAreCurves #RSVPYes
(Gifts from @skinnydiplondon) Less bitchin’ more hitching. That’s right folks it’s less than 13 weeks until I’m a Mrs and our final run through with our planners went down this weekend. Expect a dress designed by me, surprise special (z-list) guests, bespoke cocktails, bottomless evening pizza and at least 6 Sean Paul songs in a row. And all well under the average wedding budget. This is from the gal who only wanted a registry office and a pub. Feel free to AMA about wedding planning if you’re a bit nosey!