Went to the park with the kiddos this morning then sat in my mates garden for 2 hours putting the world to rights. Felt so good seeing people’s faces. And that’s all I have to say today really 🌞 
Over the last 2 years I’ve cried, I’ve protested, I’ve written to my MP what feels like a billion times, I’ve donated, I’ve argued about politics with people I love, I’ve changed how we consume, travel and what we eat. I’ve laid awake at night worrying about the future for the girls - and despite all of this it still never feels like I’m doing *enough* to create a better world that works for ALL people. But I’m nothing if not persistent and I feel the only way we can start to see real change happening is at a grassroots level. Looking back over the last year it isn’t the big corps that have saved us, it isn’t the government that has pulled us through. It’s us - you and me - it’s the key workers, the “normal” people that have kept us safe. It’s our neighbours and community that have held us through this most turbulent of times. That is why we have decided to start a new venture to help create real change in our community... @happyculturecafe and community space. A creative space in our city that models sustainable business practices, a wellbeing hub for people to host events and classes that support good mental health. A happy cafe that pays it forward to those most in need in our community. @willgoodacre and I never do stuff by halves and we have only 5 weeks to pull this off 🤪 Can we do it? Who the hell knows? But what’s life without taking a leap of faith or two? #projecthappiness 
A mother - the only thing I ever wanted to be. To be a mother means leaving parts of yourself behind and filling them with the demands of others, with no rewards or recompense. I am the very best and worst of you, thanks for showing me how to love unconditionally (and I can’t wait until I can legally sit and watch a movie in your arms, eating chocolate and talking crap laughing til our faces hurt) ♥️ 📸Me and Mamma, a beach someplace 1988. #happymothersday 
“Not all men” they shout. “All lives matter” they shout. “It’s not that bad” they shout. “Cheer up luv” they shout, they jeer, they whistle. “It’s just banter”, “It’s just lads”, “Boys will be boys”. And so the cycle continues. The gaslighting, the arse squeezing, the upskirting, the tit grabbing, the offering to buy you a drink then calling you a “mardy bitch” when you refuse. It’s the ogling, the sending of dick pics we didn’t ask for, the “are you on the blob?” when you are trying to assert yourself in the workplace. Sharing intimate pictures without consent, controlling what we wear, what we do, how we think, how we feel. Removing our reproductive rights, our rights to practice our religions freely. They want us skinny but with an appetite, curvy but never fat. They want us meek, subdued and pure - but also “up for anything”, because lads. They want to see our bodies - but show too much and you’re “asking for it”. “NOT ALL MEN” they shout. Our voices once again silenced by the very same men we’re being told not to be frightened of. #fuckthepatriarchy 
A glorious Sunday spent at the allotment today. Bonnie busied herself making a mini pond and Ava has a big project on the go - sawing wood and hammering it together to make a fort. I was imagining what our society would be like if this kind of learning was prioritised in school. Growing food, balancing eco-systems, saving seeds, protecting soil, building things. What would our world look like if everyone was given a parcel of land to grow and nurture? I think it’s so important that these key life/survival skills aren’t lost in the generations to come - in truth I fear our children will be heavily reliant on them. 
Eating snow today with my girls - then home to warm up my very cold soggy bottom curled up on the sofa drinking hot choccies. Absolute pure joy ☃️ 
This morning was a bag of crap. I woke up in a grump because Bonnie didn’t sleep well so I ended up in her bed. Ours plans changed, the girls wouldn’t move off the sofa for the first 2 hours. Then they both insisted on a bath which lasted another 2 hours. The rabbits tore down their stairs in the hutch so I had to repair that. Will shut the fridge door at lunch a little heavy handed and all my plant pots and jars of pretty things that live on top smashed all over the kitchen floor. I gave up - some times things are just a bit shit and you need to just write it off and start again. We spent the afternoon at the allotment and as always being outside just eased everything. We all shook off our grumps, the girls played in mud and built things. I let my head clear and just focused on the manual tasks I had to do. Rest and reset, then repeat. Seems to be the cure for pandemic fatigue 🌱 
My view whilst I cooked dinner this evening - my view every day it seems recently! Trying to pick out the magic moments in the drudgery and relentless grind of the current lockdown. Rest seems to be the salve we all need at the moment, and connection always lifts us. Things getting us through this long grey time: ✨Listening to the Beatles Love Album (we watched the movie ‘Yesterday’ with the girls and they loved the music) ✨Watching ‘Portrait Artist of the Year’ on Now Tv and ‘Back in Time the Cornershop’ and ‘Call the Midwife’ on BBC iPlayer. The girls love snuggling on the sofa watching these ✨Making clothes and cardboard houses for their Lottie dolls ✨Muddy walks on the common land near our house and splashing in the deep icy ponds ✨Hour long snuggles in bed in the mornings. ✨Planting seeds ready for our big allotment plans ✨Looking through old photos and videos of our lives pre-corona ✨Eating too much ✨Reading some cracking books together ✨Ava got some great goddess tarot cards for her birthday and she likes reading everyone’s fortunes before bed ✨Cuddles - of all kinds ♥️ I like to make lists like these every now and again to remind me of all the good stuff that we squeeze into these long seemingly never ending days - it always makes me feel better. 
Ava turned 11 yesterday. A *big* birthday in terms of growth and shifts from childhood to the tumultuous puberty fuelled times ahead. Like most mothers I spend time in the weeks surrounding their birthdays in a phase of deep reflection of the years of childhood past, the child they are today and who they will become. As much as I try to be mindful of where my thoughts drift - I find my brain consumed with the state of the world at present and how it will ultimately shape these humans of the next generation. As much as I try to shield them I know that I cannot. I lie in bed at night worrying about the lives they will live, the choices they will have to make. What kind of world will they inherit? I don’t have the answers, but I do know that a mother’s mind never gets to rest - but rest above all else is what we need right now.