HYPERVIGILANCE IN OUR BODIES Hypervigilance is a heightened state of alertness which can undermine your capacity to enjoy your life. People develop hypervigilance as a result of a couple different things: generalized panic disorders, experiencing trauma resulting from some kind of violation, PTSD, and other mental health conditions. A lot of the women I work with usually experience some sort of mild hypervigilance which often takes them spiralling into self-doubt and catastrophizing their relationships, work, and happiness. Hypervigilance is often accompanied with the cognitive knowing that everything is going to be fine- that YOU are going to be fine- but cannot stop the feeling of being on high alert consistently present in your body + colouring your future. Persistent worrying and playing out of different worst-case scenarios are common. For me, it often felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop- that I was going to hurt someone, offend someone, or do something wrong that would destroy the relationships and success I'd had in my life. It felt like I needed to hide completely in order to function, while also desperately trying to be the best friend/worker/daughter/partner. It was exhausting. I couldn't find myself. I couldn't enjoy the beauty in my life. I never felt peaceful. I'd love to hear if you see yourself in any of these identifiers, or anywhere in my own share. If so, I'd love to hear your story. // With the new season comes new space to work 1:1 with me to start this healing work together. I offer free Feeler Calls, where we get to know one another, the work, and explore together. If you're feeling something from this post, I'd love to chat. Find the link to book in my profile // #alive #feelalive #joy #healing #healingispossible #youareworthy #selflove #magic #universe #coach #divinesupport #bethelight #choosehealing #support #togetherness #freedom #communityovercompetition #inheritedtrauma #traumaresolution #ancestralhealing
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE ALLOW JOY TO LEAD THE WAY? Sometimes the pursuit of pure joy can feel... egocentric. Living in the world we live in, with all of the personal pressure of doing more, giving more, having more... and the worldly intensity of injustice, inequity, violence and pain, there is shame or guilt often associated with the pursuit of joy. And I get it, and I feel it too. Anytime anyone was like Jo, you need to get in touch with your inner child! I internally responded with a grumpy pfffffttttttt. AND, I now believe that the pursuit of personal joy can lead to great healing in ourselves, and in the world. The capacity and space to follow our joy and curiosity is linked to a future that serves everyone better is in its connection to our own developmental stages. Categorized in many different ways, it's our progression through the following stages: Child-- adolescent-- adult-- elder. Each stage asks differently of us, and what I'm coming to understand DEEPLY is that without a fully expressed adolescence, we do not ever create a meaningful identity, and an individual's meaningful identity is PARAMOUNT to the health of society (h/t Rachael Maddox). Through pleasure and play, we get to explore, experiment, express ourselves and figure out what really matters to us and who we really are. Adventure, rebelling, trying new things on... these all help us forge our resilience + capacity. When things feel stagnant, reaching for joy can pull us forward. So the question is: how can we be adventurous in our pursuit of play + pleasure in a safe, doable way that allows us to blossom into ourselves in a sustainable, gorgeous way? What kinds of things can you say YES to in the coming days + weeks, to feed your curiosity? Share below if you've got ideas... because sometimes this grumpy adult likes to get all STUCK over here in her own mess and needs a hand up + out! Photo by Lesly Juarez.
I’m listening to the final episode of #putyourhandstogether and #paulftompkins is on a bit about the gag cans of peanut brittle that actually have fake snakes pop out when they’re opened. And it just has me thinking about the last few days in my mums place, cleaning up. My Great Uncle Kev was a bit of a jokester and he owned a shop for awhile downtown St John’s. Somewhere along the way a fake can of mixed nuts came into my childhood house and never left. The can had some fake nuts in the bottom, so when you shook it it rattled. Many people fell pray to this ole can of nuts over the years, the plastic around the springs that popped out was tattered and broken in places- a sure sign that many laughs had been had. The can was small, clearly dated, and also perfect bate for people who were cleaning up after a woman who had mild hoarding tendencies (to say the least). My parents’ good friend Jackie was it’s last victim. I was lucky enough to see it all unfold. We all laughed, in the middle of all that sadness. It’s not an exciting story but it’s one of mine and it warmed my heart just to remember it so maybe it warms yours too.
I don’t want to give the impression that simply because I talk about grief a lot that my grieving is perfect. Or that because I talk about taking full responsibility in our lives that I’m doing that consistently 24/7-- not even close. And that it’s okay. That is human. I’m allowed to be messy and imperfect. And that my wholeness allows for it all. In my life, I’ve often found myself bound up by the expectations of others. I took on far too much responsibility for other people’s experience of life- to me, it was an exercise in the greatest empathy and kindness. In reality, it was a tightrope of twisted assumptions and matching behaviors that never gave me what I so deeply desired- to feel seen, understood and accepted. In short, to belong- scales and all. The thing is though that this ugly performance of me didn’t allow for any scales to show. I never let others see my wholeness so well that I actually forgot what it looked like. And this strategy backfired time and time again, as it had to because it wasn’t real, and instead of that opening the door to my real self, it drove me further into a performance that could only fail me + the ones I desperately loved. And so the new work is about embracing the whole, and not over-processing my anger, or dissecting a feeling to understand completely what’s mine and what’s someone else’s. My grief is fought hard for, and I fight against it too. I am sometimes angry when it shows up. I get jealous. I feel the not-enoughness deep in my bones. I spiral, I blame, I act like a child- sometimes I literally throw a tantrum in my bed. And it’s all in service of calling my inherent sense of belonging, scales and all. And it’s messy, and triggering, and sometimes not at all nice. But it is good. And I am good, and more me with every mistake.