• This was one of the questions we explored deeply in our coach training and revisiting this has been particularly poignant in this season of my life. For me, the answer was clear then and it still holds true – I have a hard time being with my tears & difficult emotions. I have a lot of judgment toward how I feel. Right now, I am in the midst of a lot of grief, uncertainty and pain unpacking relationships with the outside world and my own self. I have lots of questions, dreams, and longings for which I do not have answers and I like to have clear answers. Sometimes, the pain of the outside world feels too heavy and the injustices and the voices that are silenced and marginalized makes me want to yell. I am realizing that my hormones can have a big impact on my feelings, and I do not always know how to best take care of myself at certain times of the month. All of this with two little kids and no childcare, camps, and schools (by choice) as I do not have the courage to take a risk (yet!) makes me overwhelmed at times. The monotony of this new life even though I have a taken a lot of steps to honor my needs is making things hard for me. I miss so much of my pre-pandemic life and I know I need to grieve and make space for all that feels raw and tender in this moment. There are days when it all feels heavy. I am skilled at carrying the weight of my life, but the heaviness is all there. Some days I cry a little and some days a lot. I heal and find reasons and ways to smile and joy. And, there for sure is a LOT of joy and gratitude and I recognize how much privilege I have in my life. And sometimes, it is that very privilege and that others do not that makes me cry. It is my longing to be a part of the solution that makes me cry… I am good at seeking help and taking care of my needs but being with my feelings is hard and I often want to fix things overnight. I know that I am going through these feelings as I need to learn to sit with my pain, not instantly problem solve or push aside my feelings but stay curious and open to what I am learning. And even though I know this is all an incredible learning opportunity, some days I want to simply give up. Full post in bio
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    This was one of the questions we explored deeply in our coach training and revisiting this has been particularly poignant in this season of my life. For me, the answer was clear then and it still holds true – I have a hard time being with my tears & difficult emotions. I have a lot of judgment toward how I feel. Right now, I am in the midst of a lot of grief, uncertainty and pain unpacking relationships with the outside world and my own self. I have lots of questions, dreams, and longings for which I do not have answers and I like to have clear answers. Sometimes, the pain of the outside world feels too heavy and the injustices and the voices that are silenced and marginalized makes me want to yell. I am realizing that my hormones can have a big impact on my feelings, and I do not always know how to best take care of myself at certain times of the month. All of this with two little kids and no childcare, camps, and schools (by choice) as I do not have the courage to take a risk (yet!) makes me overwhelmed at times. The monotony of this new life even though I have a taken a lot of steps to honor my needs is making things hard for me. I miss so much of my pre-pandemic life and I know I need to grieve and make space for all that feels raw and tender in this moment. There are days when it all feels heavy. I am skilled at carrying the weight of my life, but the heaviness is all there. Some days I cry a little and some days a lot. I heal and find reasons and ways to smile and joy. And, there for sure is a LOT of joy and gratitude and I recognize how much privilege I have in my life. And sometimes, it is that very privilege and that others do not that makes me cry. It is my longing to be a part of the solution that makes me cry… I am good at seeking help and taking care of my needs but being with my feelings is hard and I often want to fix things overnight. I know that I am going through these feelings as I need to learn to sit with my pain, not instantly problem solve or push aside my feelings but stay curious and open to what I am learning. And even though I know this is all an incredible learning opportunity, some days I want to simply give up. Full post in bio
  • We can often underestimate how much power each of us has in our ability to demonstrate leadership in our simple, everyday actions that create moments of belonging. Leadership doesn’t “just” emerge from those at the top but from everyone in a system. A healthy dose of empathy, listening and deep care especially in these times to make others feel seen, heard and validated for their dreams and fears, longings and losses, challenges and joys is a huge undervalued art of leadership because the reality is that most of us experience all of these emotions multiple times in a given week, sometimes even in a given day and can often feel alone. Creating a culture on your team, community or family where people feel safe enables them to bring ideas to the table, express themselves and contribute more fully. Don’t diminish your power as a leader if you are not in a position of formal authority. The way you show up can inspire others to grow, practice courage, take meaningful action and in turn lead more effectively. What ideas do you have to create moments of belonging for others?
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    We can often underestimate how much power each of us has in our ability to demonstrate leadership in our simple, everyday actions that create moments of belonging. Leadership doesn’t “just” emerge from those at the top but from everyone in a system. A healthy dose of empathy, listening and deep care especially in these times to make others feel seen, heard and validated for their dreams and fears, longings and losses, challenges and joys is a huge undervalued art of leadership because the reality is that most of us experience all of these emotions multiple times in a given week, sometimes even in a given day and can often feel alone. Creating a culture on your team, community or family where people feel safe enables them to bring ideas to the table, express themselves and contribute more fully. Don’t diminish your power as a leader if you are not in a position of formal authority. The way you show up can inspire others to grow, practice courage, take meaningful action and in turn lead more effectively. What ideas do you have to create moments of belonging for others?
  • I know that as much as I didn't want to accept it at first, I have more privilege and power than I realize and a lot more unlearning (and learning) I need to do. Over the last few days I have felt a myriad of emotions. I have learnt to stay present and curious about what I am feeling but more importantly to channel my pain into action. I have learnt that the most important thing is to “start”, is to take some action and not worry if it is the perfect action. And, then I need to ensure that my first step is not the last step and that I continue my learning, and pivot my actions. One person can’t change the system but each of us in our own ways - whether it's a donation, a few hours at a protest, a social media message, a phone call to the local government can make a difference. The more we educate ourselves, the better we will be at empathizing and caring for our black friends and co-workers and taking more action. I for the first time had lots of conversations on this with my children this weekend and I know it won’t be the last time we discuss race. I have a long way to go and I am committed to doing my part and bringing my voice and action to the table to end systemic racism in this country.
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    I know that as much as I didn't want to accept it at first, I have more privilege and power than I realize and a lot more unlearning (and learning) I need to do. Over the last few days I have felt a myriad of emotions. I have learnt to stay present and curious about what I am feeling but more importantly to channel my pain into action. I have learnt that the most important thing is to “start”, is to take some action and not worry if it is the perfect action. And, then I need to ensure that my first step is not the last step and that I continue my learning, and pivot my actions. One person can’t change the system but each of us in our own ways - whether it's a donation, a few hours at a protest, a social media message, a phone call to the local government can make a difference. The more we educate ourselves, the better we will be at empathizing and caring for our black friends and co-workers and taking more action. I for the first time had lots of conversations on this with my children this weekend and I know it won’t be the last time we discuss race. I have a long way to go and I am committed to doing my part and bringing my voice and action to the table to end systemic racism in this country.
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  • Hike 16/52 - Sigh. I struggled to type this. We have been hiking through the pandemic. Secluded trails, six feet away, often at odd hours, 6:30 in the morning, 7 pm at night, turning back home if the trails were closed or parking lots full, hiking solo or only with the crew I am living with. No trips to the bathroom and not touching anything at the park. Nature and movement has been a huge reason how I have stayed sane, thrived in many moments and have had the ability to be a contributing member of our society. Yet, I felt guilty every time I got into the car knowing that I wasn’t “fully” honoring the ask before me. I felt guilty talking about hiking not knowing if I was adding to the problem or reminding people that there are ways we can walk safely. I still don’t fully know but I realized i was going to acknowledge that yes, there are some risks with many of my choices of hiking, take out meals, potentially sending my kids back to school (whenever they open), getting some help in the house (at some point in the coming months) and that I was taking them as safely as I can to take care of my mental health and live a life in alignment with my values. And yet, it’s still hard, the micro decision making, the guilt, the incomplete information, the uncertainty of all of this... And this past weekend, it was a date hike. My sister, mansi who is living with us for a few more weeks graciously watched the kids (and made baklawa with them) and we went to the woods for a few hours and for a little while, life seemed a bit more normal, we filled up our cups, with nature, solitude and connection. We listened to @lvanderkam latest book on the car ride and had meaningful conversations on the choices we want to make through this pandemic (and beyond). I know how special it is to have a few hours amidst a pandemic to have kid free time and I am nothing but grateful to my sister and to the universe at large for giving us this beautiful gift. It’s made me appreciate what we have with so much more depth and sincerity knowing that the fragility of life and that I may not live to type up my next hiking story. Full post in bio link
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    Hike 16/52 - Sigh. I struggled to type this. We have been hiking through the pandemic. Secluded trails, six feet away, often at odd hours, 6:30 in the morning, 7 pm at night, turning back home if the trails were closed or parking lots full, hiking solo or only with the crew I am living with. No trips to the bathroom and not touching anything at the park. Nature and movement has been a huge reason how I have stayed sane, thrived in many moments and have had the ability to be a contributing member of our society. Yet, I felt guilty every time I got into the car knowing that I wasn’t “fully” honoring the ask before me. I felt guilty talking about hiking not knowing if I was adding to the problem or reminding people that there are ways we can walk safely. I still don’t fully know but I realized i was going to acknowledge that yes, there are some risks with many of my choices of hiking, take out meals, potentially sending my kids back to school (whenever they open), getting some help in the house (at some point in the coming months) and that I was taking them as safely as I can to take care of my mental health and live a life in alignment with my values. And yet, it’s still hard, the micro decision making, the guilt, the incomplete information, the uncertainty of all of this... And this past weekend, it was a date hike. My sister, mansi who is living with us for a few more weeks graciously watched the kids (and made baklawa with them) and we went to the woods for a few hours and for a little while, life seemed a bit more normal, we filled up our cups, with nature, solitude and connection. We listened to @lvanderkam latest book on the car ride and had meaningful conversations on the choices we want to make through this pandemic (and beyond). I know how special it is to have a few hours amidst a pandemic to have kid free time and I am nothing but grateful to my sister and to the universe at large for giving us this beautiful gift. It’s made me appreciate what we have with so much more depth and sincerity knowing that the fragility of life and that I may not live to type up my next hiking story. Full post in bio link
  • This week felt heavy. I could hold space for a lot of gratitude, the abundance around me, and empathy for where others were coming from. But, deep down I was also longing for something more. I was longing for richer connections and conversations, longing to be heard and seen, longing to express myself more fully, longing to do more meaningful work, longing to write (a lot of writing) and longing for more love, joy and space in my life. Vivaan and I were going on a mommy son trip this weekend and one of the highlights was reconnecting with a dear friend and having some good quality outdoor time with rich conversations and I was nostalgic for all the simple joys of my previous life, not knowing when this will end. And yet, a part of me was scared to say this out loud, to give myself permission to cry. I have the best pandemic life in so many ways (and there is a lot that I am savoring!) and here I was longing for more. My critic was loud and clear in reminding me to simply move on and stop being so emotional… And yet, I wanted to hold space for both – the savoring and my longings and these past few days the pendulum was shifting more toward pain with many, many moments of my eyes tearing up.  Ultimately I let myself feel all that I needed to feel, to stay curious about my feelings and honor my desires. I literally cried in my hour-long coaching session with @jacmcneil as I sat feeling sad, overwhelmed and alone. Having that space to process & name my needs and being held and seen by a thoughtful truthteller and a loving ally, I was able to love myself more deeply, connect more fully with my own inner leaders and see what needed to come through me and how I could best honor my needs. After my work day ended, I gave myself permission to meditate and go on a family hike. As Sumit and I lay in bed, we brainstormed about the risks that we were willing to take, the trade offs and logistics changes for the next few months so we could continue to honor our needs and values in our new pandemic world. We gave ourselves permission to dream about our future and how we could make steps in those directions. Maybe work remote permanently ... Full post in bio
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    This week felt heavy. I could hold space for a lot of gratitude, the abundance around me, and empathy for where others were coming from. But, deep down I was also longing for something more. I was longing for richer connections and conversations, longing to be heard and seen, longing to express myself more fully, longing to do more meaningful work, longing to write (a lot of writing) and longing for more love, joy and space in my life. Vivaan and I were going on a mommy son trip this weekend and one of the highlights was reconnecting with a dear friend and having some good quality outdoor time with rich conversations and I was nostalgic for all the simple joys of my previous life, not knowing when this will end. And yet, a part of me was scared to say this out loud, to give myself permission to cry. I have the best pandemic life in so many ways (and there is a lot that I am savoring!) and here I was longing for more. My critic was loud and clear in reminding me to simply move on and stop being so emotional… And yet, I wanted to hold space for both – the savoring and my longings and these past few days the pendulum was shifting more toward pain with many, many moments of my eyes tearing up.  Ultimately I let myself feel all that I needed to feel, to stay curious about my feelings and honor my desires. I literally cried in my hour-long coaching session with @jacmcneil as I sat feeling sad, overwhelmed and alone. Having that space to process & name my needs and being held and seen by a thoughtful truthteller and a loving ally, I was able to love myself more deeply, connect more fully with my own inner leaders and see what needed to come through me and how I could best honor my needs. After my work day ended, I gave myself permission to meditate and go on a family hike. As Sumit and I lay in bed, we brainstormed about the risks that we were willing to take, the trade offs and logistics changes for the next few months so we could continue to honor our needs and values in our new pandemic world. We gave ourselves permission to dream about our future and how we could make steps in those directions. Maybe work remote permanently ... Full post in bio
  • We went on a secluded trail last Friday at 6 pm for a short 1 mile walk. For an hour, we were together, healthy, smiles, home made sandwiches and a ton of gratitude. I know next Friday may be different… The last few days have felt very heavy, very painful. I have cried almost every day for the collective losses in the world, for the pain that so many are experiencing, for the families who can’t support each other when there is a death, for the increase in domestic violence, for the inequality and racism that exists in the world and the sadness that the world that I know will likely never be the same. I cry for the ER nurse who is exposed every single day and likely can’t hug her own children without the fear of infecting them. I cry for the grocery workers who are truly, truly serving us in these difficult times and that I am safe in my home, writing this... Yes, I feel my pain, pick myself and continue to move through life as fully as I can. Writing, coaching and giving in whatever way I can has been my most effective tool to deal with the sadness that I am seeing. Yes, my life is hard in many ways but I feel resilient for that (on most days) but it’s the losses around us that truly break my heart… I try and savor the joys, there are many, many of them. Fun fact - I cut my own hair yesterday and I think I did a pretty good job, ha! I got 10K steps yesterday, a good nap and lots of good food. I know how special and beautiful it is. And then, that’s what feels heavy that not every human in the world can say this. Having high empathy and being highly sensitive makes navigating this time very challenging but I am hopeful that we will get through this together, with each other and with all the love we can humanly bring into the world.
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    We went on a secluded trail last Friday at 6 pm for a short 1 mile walk. For an hour, we were together, healthy, smiles, home made sandwiches and a ton of gratitude. I know next Friday may be different… The last few days have felt very heavy, very painful. I have cried almost every day for the collective losses in the world, for the pain that so many are experiencing, for the families who can’t support each other when there is a death, for the increase in domestic violence, for the inequality and racism that exists in the world and the sadness that the world that I know will likely never be the same. I cry for the ER nurse who is exposed every single day and likely can’t hug her own children without the fear of infecting them. I cry for the grocery workers who are truly, truly serving us in these difficult times and that I am safe in my home, writing this... Yes, I feel my pain, pick myself and continue to move through life as fully as I can. Writing, coaching and giving in whatever way I can has been my most effective tool to deal with the sadness that I am seeing. Yes, my life is hard in many ways but I feel resilient for that (on most days) but it’s the losses around us that truly break my heart… I try and savor the joys, there are many, many of them. Fun fact - I cut my own hair yesterday and I think I did a pretty good job, ha! I got 10K steps yesterday, a good nap and lots of good food. I know how special and beautiful it is. And then, that’s what feels heavy that not every human in the world can say this. Having high empathy and being highly sensitive makes navigating this time very challenging but I am hopeful that we will get through this together, with each other and with all the love we can humanly bring into the world.
  • “I am not sure what these adults are complaining about. We are so happy making bath bombs and then taking baths with them” Yes, every single day the kids tell me how much they love this new life of no school and being home all day and I “try” and stay present, find joy, practice gratitude and bring more compassion for myself and those around me. But some days, it's harder than others and I have to give myself permission to feel before I problem solve. Today was one of those days with a lot of big feelings and exhaustion and I had to honor them alongside all the gratitude for the abundance that exists. My feelings are often (not always) a signal for something I need and by staying present and curious I can move through them and identify things that need to change... PS - The bath bomb making exercise was very joyful (and easy!) and they came out just as good as the store bought ones. I ordered more supplies and packing materials and hopefully we can walk around in our neighborhood and share these goodies with people around.
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    “I am not sure what these adults are complaining about. We are so happy making bath bombs and then taking baths with them” Yes, every single day the kids tell me how much they love this new life of no school and being home all day and I “try” and stay present, find joy, practice gratitude and bring more compassion for myself and those around me. But some days, it's harder than others and I have to give myself permission to feel before I problem solve. Today was one of those days with a lot of big feelings and exhaustion and I had to honor them alongside all the gratitude for the abundance that exists. My feelings are often (not always) a signal for something I need and by staying present and curious I can move through them and identify things that need to change... PS - The bath bomb making exercise was very joyful (and easy!) and they came out just as good as the store bought ones. I ordered more supplies and packing materials and hopefully we can walk around in our neighborhood and share these goodies with people around.
  • Hike 15/52 -- A family hike from a couple weekends ago. Shelter in place, we found a lesser known beach and a hike to bring some sense of normalcy to our lives. The kids played in the sand blissfully unaware of what’s unfolding in the world around them and for a few hours, the two of us reminded ourselves that we will not talk COVID. I am finding boundaries to be incredibly important at this time. It means being intentional about how much news I will consume, how much time I will spend on zoom and phone calls and how much I will grieve for the losses around us. I am finding that injecting moments and periods of joy to escape the pain and sadness gives me greater empathy and wisdom to both deal with the pandemic and also be of greater service in the world. Last afternoon I spent an hour with the kids doing origami – an activity I had not done in decades. Simple, grounding and calming before I entered my kitchen and the reality of having no help at home and the even sadder reality of my helper not having a source of income at these times….
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    Hike 15/52 -- A family hike from a couple weekends ago. Shelter in place, we found a lesser known beach and a hike to bring some sense of normalcy to our lives. The kids played in the sand blissfully unaware of what’s unfolding in the world around them and for a few hours, the two of us reminded ourselves that we will not talk COVID. I am finding boundaries to be incredibly important at this time. It means being intentional about how much news I will consume, how much time I will spend on zoom and phone calls and how much I will grieve for the losses around us. I am finding that injecting moments and periods of joy to escape the pain and sadness gives me greater empathy and wisdom to both deal with the pandemic and also be of greater service in the world. Last afternoon I spent an hour with the kids doing origami – an activity I had not done in decades. Simple, grounding and calming before I entered my kitchen and the reality of having no help at home and the even sadder reality of my helper not having a source of income at these times….
  • Hike 12/52 -- An older picture from a date hike, rather a 24-hour getaway when @mandhani.mansi graciously watched both the kids. We spent one night in SF and had an incredible time. COVID was just beginning to mark its presence here and I could see the lockdown in the rear-view mirror and savored our experience together even more. This picture and the freedom of just walking on the streets, picking up pastries, sitting on a bench, eating dinner at a restaurant feels like that was a different era. I am hopeful that at some point things will change and revert back to a new normal but I am curious what that new normal will be – Will we always think twice about picking up a spoon at a restaurant unsure if there is some virus living on it? Will a trip across the world ever feel the same? Will we love and care differently, perhaps with an even greater commitment and appreciation? Will I look back and say – Yes, I lost a friend in that pandemic (my heartbeat is faster as I even type this line). Will this impact perceptions and actions around climate change? Will remote work no longer have the stigma it currently does, and I won’t need to justify why I am working from my guest bedroom on a Tuesday afternoon? I don’t have answers, but I have a lot of questions – sometimes they break my heart and sometimes they give me hope. All in all, I believe we will come out a more resilient and open hearted species through all of this, but I pray that somehow, we break fewer hearts and homes through this…
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    Hike 12/52 -- An older picture from a date hike, rather a 24-hour getaway when @mandhani.mansi graciously watched both the kids. We spent one night in SF and had an incredible time. COVID was just beginning to mark its presence here and I could see the lockdown in the rear-view mirror and savored our experience together even more. This picture and the freedom of just walking on the streets, picking up pastries, sitting on a bench, eating dinner at a restaurant feels like that was a different era. I am hopeful that at some point things will change and revert back to a new normal but I am curious what that new normal will be – Will we always think twice about picking up a spoon at a restaurant unsure if there is some virus living on it? Will a trip across the world ever feel the same? Will we love and care differently, perhaps with an even greater commitment and appreciation? Will I look back and say – Yes, I lost a friend in that pandemic (my heartbeat is faster as I even type this line). Will this impact perceptions and actions around climate change? Will remote work no longer have the stigma it currently does, and I won’t need to justify why I am working from my guest bedroom on a Tuesday afternoon? I don’t have answers, but I have a lot of questions – sometimes they break my heart and sometimes they give me hope. All in all, I believe we will come out a more resilient and open hearted species through all of this, but I pray that somehow, we break fewer hearts and homes through this…