“I’m not a cat your honor...” “I’m prepared to go forward.” 
My forever #Valentine! 
My manager told me I need to give away some free stuff at shows, so... #merch #merchpitch #standupcomedy #hotellife 
Throwback 28 years. Our first “dress up” date was December of 1992 and we kissed for real for the first time in the State House steps. New Year’s Eve we ate across the street and then went over there and recreated the magic! 
All things being equal, you want to be friends with the guy leaving the ABC STORE with a BOX. #happynewyear 
#truth #marriage #marriagegoals 
Want to host a party or virtual get together in 2021? Let me know! 
It only took 48.875 years but I finally got a good enough score on the test to qualify for these!! #4eyes 
In this season of Christmas, I think it’s important to make sure we all remember that Santa was the smallest-handed creepiest of the wise men. 
They just declared North Carolina for @christianmccaffrey !! CMAC IS BACK!!!! I might make the playoffs now! 
This sign at the Denver Airport is a little sassier than I’m used to. 
#Grease for Halloween. 
In all the negative filled world there was this on Sunday. @thenyny7 wins the Internet today. 
Date Night with this one is always fun. Walt was a solid driver.