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I want to talk about something a bit different today. well actually, on second thought -- I just laid bare 3 of my body insecurities in a post the other day so how much more off base can we get from that? 🤣 I'm gonna be honest. relationships are freakin hard, and this pandemic situation certainly is not helping things. can anyone relate? I feel that this topic is barely talked about, and is very hush-hush. it seems to be the unspoken consensus that if you share anything less than positive about your relationship with the world, that you're overstepping your bounds, and inviting people's this is the beginning of the end opinions. it's so easy for us to talk about the hard things that happen to us as individuals, but yet rarely as a couple. I want to try and address that stigma with my experience. so here's the thing. just because you and your partner have hard days (where you still love each other, but not necessarily like each other) doesn't mean that's the end of the world, or even out of the ordinary. everyone has hard days with their partner. that famous DIY blogger with the beautiful new house, the girl from college who had it all together, your next door neighbor. EVERYBODY. it feels silly to pretend that just because no one talks about it, we must have flawless relationships. at the beginning of this George and I felt like we got this since quarantine is basically our regular lives. but now that we're closing in on two months of being in the house 24/7 with each other, there are more and more days where we get on each others nerves, can't seem to say anything right, and have stupid disagreements. as with most things, there's a myriad of reasons that play into things like this, but like I said before -- the pandemic certainly has become an ominous catalyst just creeping in the shadows in the background. I really just wanted to share this to tell you that if you're in the same boat, you're not alone. we're all doing it together. on the days where it feels impossible, hold each other close, forgive easily, and hang on tight. it won't be hard forever. 💕
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about a month ago I started getting into home DIY/lifestyle and sharing about it; but I just realized that I've yet to talk about this on my feed, in case you missed those stories! the very scientific and reliable polls in my instastories revealed that ya'll are into this content sooo here we are! the second big project I took on in our house was furnishing this deck from scratch. George and I moved into this 3x2 house from a 300 square foot studio (with no outdoor space) so we've been slowly furnishing it. last month I picked everything out for our deck and it all came together exactly how I envisioned it! I've never had a real outdoor space since I moved out of my mom's house six years ago (#apartmentliving), and I've been dreaming of a space like this this whole time. I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I am to have this now! I'm sooo looking forward to all of the summer days and nights we'll spend out here in this oasis. swipe for some before and afters, and a look at the details! I'm also working on putting together a blog post with links to everything here so you can shop my look. 😉 what's your must have in your outdoor space?? ☀️🌿🌻
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Have you ever experienced love that felt terrifying, in a really great way? a couple weeks ago when I was working on painting my laundry room, I had Alexa shuffling a station in the background, and a new song came on that I'd never heard before -- but as I was painting I started actively listening to the lyrics and they almost stopped me in my tracks. . // I'm scared to death that she might be it That the love is real, that the shoe might fit She might just be my everything and beyond Space and time in the afterlife Will she have my kids? Will she be my wife? She might just be my everything and beyond // . to be honest, it felt like someone had been looking into my soul and articulating the exact emotions I'd felt before and it totally took me by surprise. this was exactly -- and when I say exactly, I mean EXACTLY -- what it felt like when George and I were in the beginning of our relationship. our relationship felt very real and scary from the start. scary in the sense that we'd never been in love with someone as deeply and equally as we were. of course we'd both had adult/long term relationships, but they weren't nearly as heady as this felt. I mean, the concept and possibility of marriage came up very early on, within 2-3 months. that kind of love is terrifying. . “I'm scared to death that she might be it *perfectly* encapsulates that season of our lives. it sounds kind of weird to describe it like that, especially if you've never experienced this kind of romantic love -- but if you have, you'll probably understand. and of course now, a couple years in (and a year of engagement on the books) we've cleared the honeymoon phase and are now so comfortable with each other that it doesn't feel scary anymore. but I have to be honest -- I miss that early season of uncertainty and learning each other. the beginnings of anything are often such a magical time. I love @paramore's lyrics for that: I could follow you to the beginning, just to relive the start. . does any of this make sense to you?? have you felt love like this that’s absolutely terrifying? . // btw, this song is called 'beyond' by @leonbridgesofficial!
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It wasn't until two days ago that I realized today marks one year of being engaged! wow, time freaking flew by. 😂 for those that don't know, I proposed to George one random Saturday morning at home in our tiny 300 square foot studio -- sans makeup and in our pjs. I'd planned to ask earlier in the morning when we woke up and were snuggled in bed, but the timing wasn't right, so I left it for another day. 90 mins later the perfect moment unexpectedly presented itself (George seriously set me up sooo well without even realizing it), so I took the opportunity! I had just washed my face and put a (clear) mask on it, so my skin was red and blotchy, and we hadn't gotten dressed yet. I remember feeling SO vulnerable in that moment -- like I talked about yesterday, I used to be really insecure about showing my un-made up face to George; but in the moment I remember feeling like okay, if he wants to marry me when I look like this, then he truly loves me no matter what. . I also love telling this story because it exemplifies how you absolutely don't need to make your proposal an entire production that takes a ton of time and money. it's so hard to look at all the magazine-worthy photos of proposals on insta and feel like we don't measure up -- but none of that truly matters. sure, putting some thought into where the proposal will take place and maybe some decorations are great, but I don't believe that you need to feel like you need to go ALL OUT for it. because all that really matters is the fact that you love someone enough to ask them to marry you, and the fact that they love you enough to say yes. 💕
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PT II: so I thought I would share some of the things I'm insecure about in hopes it shows you we're more alike than you think, and maybe start to show you that yours don't need to hold as much power as you think either. - I hate the dimple in my chin. I remember when I was a kid, trying to smooth it out with my fingers to see what my chin would look like if it wasn't there. - I hate how large the pores on my face are. I used to always be conscious of how close someone would stand to me, at what distance they would start to notice them. for a long time I struggled with George being physically close to me without makeup on because I knew he could see them. you wanna know what's really crazy? I haven't articulated this until now, but I used to wonder how anyone could like me enough to be with me when my pores were so obvious and ugly. I wish I was kidding. - I hate how thin and blonde and sparse my eyebrows are. I'm so insecure about them (and yes, still kicking myself for that early 2000s trend of plucking them to death -- mine have never recovered from that). I cannot leave the house without them filled in. it's always been a huge struggle for me to trust someone enough to see me without them filled in -- even George. it was a solid 8+ months of us dating before I started to relax about it; before I stopped obsessively making sure they were perfect at all times (yes, really). - I don't hate this, but I'm insecure about how tall I am (5'10 if you don't know). for my entire life, my mom has been reminding me to stand up straight -- it's crazy to say this, but that habit persisted because I was physically trying to take up less space, actually trying to shrink from my height. at 28 I'm still trying to learn the lesson that I need to get over it and own my height because that's something I for sure will never be able to change. I hope hearing me talk about my trivial insecurities makes you feel a little less powerless to yours. if you feel up to it, I would love to start a conversation and hear about things that you struggle with -- drop a comment below. because remember: these insecurities only hold power because no one knows about them. ✌🏻✨
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PT I: I've been thinking about how we tend to get so in our heads about tiny insecurities we have. A couple months ago, @abbihearne wrote about how self conscious she's been about her legs since adolescence. Abbi is naturally very thin, and her thighs have never touched. she talked about how in middle school, she had a friend who was curvier than her and one day noticed how large her thighs were -- how they filled out her pants, how they always touched. she talked about how jealous she was of that, and how she felt like something was wrong with her for not looking normal. she said that she even tried stuffing her pants to make her legs look bigger than they were. I was absolutely flabbergasted. as a heavier set person than Abbi, I have ALWAYS envied her thin frame and thighs that don't tough (#chafingsucks). I couldn't believe she had struggled with those insecurities for a decade because to me, she had something I'd always dreamed of. it was a huge lesson in how all of us want our bodies to be different, no matter what we look like -- the grass is always greener on the other side. there are certainly things I'm insecure about myself that I know other people would respond what the heck are you going on about?? to. so it got me thinking -- what makes our insecurities so powerful is that no one knows about them. right? we repeat them to ourselves and never let them see the light of day, for fear of being judged. but here's what I think: I think those insecurities are a lot like being afraid of the dark. once you speak them and bring them into the light for other people to see, you find that there's nothing really scary (or real) there. speaking them takes away some of the power they hold. head to my next post for the rest. 😉
