"All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow." - Leo Tolstoy I’m feeling a lot of daily tension between light and shadow, right now. Joy and difficulty, gratefulness and utter exhaustion. In the world, yes. But in motherhood and the challenges of walking through multiple small, yet difficult and frustrating, health issues with the baby and the consequential lack of energy I feel like I have to give to my older kids. I’m bone tired in every way that requires me to exert anything right now - mentally, emotionally and physically. And there’s a guilt that comes along with that. Guilt of not having the capacity that I want to have right now. Guilt for seeing my baby in ongoing discomfort and not being able to fix it as quickly as I want. Guilt for being so sad and frustrated and overwhelmed at times, when I know so many mamas are facing much bigger, harder things. But that’s just it. We don’t have to compare our paths of motherhood - or any other aspect of life. We’re called to walk our own balance of tension between joy and sorrow - whatever that looks like in the day to day, season by season. I’m constantly learning how to honestly embrace and admit my own sorrow, without always needing to justify it away because it’s really “not that bad” and I should “just be grateful”. But gratefulness and difficulty aren’t mutually exclusive. I can be overwhelmed and frustrated, and still be deeply grateful. And I think I’m learning to walk in that more honestly the older I get. Gratefulness and joy are a posture of the heart, but they don’t require I be “happy” all the time. They allow me to walk through sorrow, no matter how big or small, when it comes because I know in my core where my hope and joy come from, and that instills a basis of gratitude for a Savior who is in every aspect of motherhood and life with me. Both the happy, fun, easy ones and the hard, frustrating, sad ones. In whatever ways you may be balancing light and shadow right now, you are not alone. Your journey is your own, not to be compared with anyone else’s, and it’s ok to embrace both without guilt. 🧡 
We all know 2021 has started off with as much stress, conflict & overwhelm as 2020 left us with. But it’s STILL a new year and fresh start in so many ways and I’m embracing that as a personal reset. Namely, I’ve committed to join @nancyray’s #contentmentchallenge for the second time. I did it in 2019 and it was H A R D but so good. As last year was wrapping up and I looked back on my pattern of handling much of 2020’s stress with online shopping (even if much of it was small businesses), I knew I needed to take this no-spend challenge again and find different, productive and healthy ways to handle the overwhelm instead of constantly letting my brain think that the rush of buying something new or new-to-me was a “need”. So here I am. This month’s big task is to #konmarie my closet again and pair down to the stuff that I actually love and serves me well, and allow the rest to find new homes. Wish me luck as getting any task done with 3 kids on opposite nap schedules in and of itself is a challenge... I also started off this year by totally redoing this gallery wall and I absolutely love it. Amazing how much you can do just switching around things you already have. @shelbygoodman is always so inspiring for that and it’s how I love to decorate, too. You don’t always need more, because using what you have but in different spaces or in different frames and with different accompanying elements makes them feel fresh and new. (Although I DID more recently purchase this @fgrfrm print when she was doing a flash sale, and I love how well it goes with all the rest of the art I already had). So what about you? What’s O N E way you’re viewing this year as a fresh start for personal growth? #toriwatsonhome #showmewhatsgoodman #thriftedhome 
No profound words for this new year. Truthfully, my “goals” are just to try to get back to some version of routine and normalcy as I continue to work my way back to fitness and continue coming out of the newborn postpartum fog. Routines are already hard for me, but add in exhaustion due to not sleeping through the night and kids who are very high energy that I’m trying to homeschool and are (very normally for their ages) pushing boundaries a lot these days, it’s as lofty as I can think to just try to make baby steps toward progress in everyday things. I also got a new camera like 2 months ago and haven’t even gotten it out of the box yet, let alone learned it for figured out new editing for it. So yeah, 2021 holds a lot of hope to me, even if my sights are set on seemingly mundane aspirations. I want to read more, get frustrated less, and just try to be a little more like Jesus in the way I love my family and manage the things that have been entrusted to me - including my health, my marriage, my parenting, my business. So if you’ve felt overwhelmed by the thought big, exciting goals - know you’re not alone. There is a time for big and lofty and a time for gradual and quiet. I’m personally in that second season right now, and I’m ok with that and embracing it. Here’s to 2021, whatever it may hold, and growing a little at a time, day by day. 
In the weirdest/hard year, I’m so very extra grateful for my little family and the joyful addition of our sweet baby Leighton. Whatever hardship you’ve seen this year, and whatever complicated feelings the holidays may bring, I wish you joy and peace and hope. Merriest Christmas, dear friends. 🧡