Love can look like anything!!!!!!!!!1!! Swipe 4 surprises!!!!!!! 🥰
When he doesn’t answer me so I send him 389 texts, multiple voicemails, key his car, call his boss and say he’s into kiddy porn, message his mother on Facebook to pretend I’m pregnant with his kid / ask for money, share his HBO GO & HULU info with the Internet, find his family dog... steal it, replace his aftershave with poison etc etc etc & then he texts me 25 mins later to say he was napping
I’ll never forget when I started wearing stickers on my toes. It was last week. I thought “what’s uniquely me?” And then I realized it. It’s my fat ass toes. I’m walking around on 2 5-piece chicken nuggets every day. My toes get bashful when I wear dangly bracelets as anklets. That’s so me!!!!! I’m all about being authentic and true to myself!!!! Anyways I’m on my way to Riker’s for possession of black tar heroin with intent to sell. I hope prison doesn’t change me. But it probably will because of... well... you know...
We got caught 🎭 . . . . . . . . . . #ACTORS returns to @unionhallny this Friday 9/20. Doors at 7, show at 7:30 with me @pileoftears @_sp.i.ke_ @ptrsmth @ikeminded & @ana_fabrega. Link in my bio 🎭
@variety @nytimes @vulture @betterhomesandgardens @propertybrothers @ford
Truly can’t believe we found friendship saying terrible, disgusting things about each other during a roast battle. My fave comic @itsevanwilliams has a movie coming out: @therecoverycallmovie & I’m so fucking proud of him. Watch out for it!! 🚨Spoiler Alert🚨swipe to see a photo of our family dog Jake watching Evan’s death scene on FX’s The Americans. My family still has it saved on their DVR. Jake was TERRIFIED!!
this is me in high school. A denim beast dry humping with reckless abandon 😔
PLZ ALLOW ME 2 INTRODUCE MY SELVES!!!!
When I promised I wouldn’t be crazy anymore but then shit starts adding up...