• After we have a baby, everyone seems to have an opinion about...well, everything! One of the loudest opinions tends to be about how you should feel. You should be happy, you should be grateful, you shouldn’t feel angry, you shouldn’t feel sad. You have a new life to take care of! Isn’t that exciting?! Isn’t that wonderful?! Shouldn’t every day be amazing?!⁣ ⁣ ...but the thing about feelings is that they are often much more “gray” than “black and white.” Maybe you are excited...but you’re also angry. Maybe you are feeling relieved...but also scared. And then often your feelings change! The feelings you may have had when your baby was born may not match the way that you are feeling right now, several months after his birth! Feelings aren’t right or wrong, good or bad - they just are. And having feelings, even negative ones, means nothing about the kind of mother or person you are. Good moms have negative feelings all the time.⁣ ⁣ Feelings are fluid, not stagnant. They ebb and flow, grow and change with time and experience. Our feelings about a certain event can even change when we look back on that event with a new perspective. Sometimes that can be very difficult for us. Sometimes we can feel ashamed of our feelings and often other people make us feel shame too. ⁣ ⁣ When it comes to your birth experience, whatever your feelings are, they are yours and yours alone. They belong to no one else and as such, no one else is permitted to have any feelings about them. Give yourself permission to have them, to work through them, and to embrace them with acceptance and love.⁣ ⁣ Be well,⁣ Erin Newton, LCPC
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    After we have a baby, everyone seems to have an opinion about...well, everything! One of the loudest opinions tends to be about how you should feel. You should be happy, you should be grateful, you shouldn’t feel angry, you shouldn’t feel sad. You have a new life to take care of! Isn’t that exciting?! Isn’t that wonderful?! Shouldn’t every day be amazing?!⁣ ⁣ ...but the thing about feelings is that they are often much more “gray” than “black and white.” Maybe you are excited...but you’re also angry. Maybe you are feeling relieved...but also scared. And then often your feelings change! The feelings you may have had when your baby was born may not match the way that you are feeling right now, several months after his birth! Feelings aren’t right or wrong, good or bad - they just are. And having feelings, even negative ones, means nothing about the kind of mother or person you are. Good moms have negative feelings all the time.⁣ ⁣ Feelings are fluid, not stagnant. They ebb and flow, grow and change with time and experience. Our feelings about a certain event can even change when we look back on that event with a new perspective. Sometimes that can be very difficult for us. Sometimes we can feel ashamed of our feelings and often other people make us feel shame too. ⁣ ⁣ When it comes to your birth experience, whatever your feelings are, they are yours and yours alone. They belong to no one else and as such, no one else is permitted to have any feelings about them. Give yourself permission to have them, to work through them, and to embrace them with acceptance and love.⁣ ⁣ Be well,⁣ Erin Newton, LCPC
  • >> What does courage look like for you in this season?! 🤔
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    >> What does courage look like for you in this season?! 🤔
  • Let’s chat vulnerability...⁣ ⁣ I think here lately we’ve been nudged in vulnerability in ways that we weren’t quite prepared for. ⁣ ⁣ Vulnerability means we’re exposed emotionally, physically, spiritually, and/or mentally. ⁣ ⁣ When we actively choose to be vulnerable we are essentially choosing to expose ourselves because we trust that this exposure will lead to opportunity or connection.⁣ ⁣ Vulnerability is something I seek to infuse into therapy as much as possible by highlighting moments in session and reminding my clients that when they take this risk, big things can happen.⁣ ⁣ This week here’s where I saw vulnerability in my people:⁣ * Naming their needs out loud even when they aren’t confident they can be met right now,⁣ * Giving themselves permission and grace. (The world is sending us a lot of messages about how we should spend our time. Vulnerability means that we expose that we are hurting, overwhelmed, tired, and more. I saw my clients actively fight against the narratives that say we have to be: perfect moms, workout every day, be productive, cook at home, etc.),⁣ * Advocating that people practice social-distancing, even if those advocating moments led to conflict or relational stress,⁣ * Showing me their homes, children, partners, pets, cars, backyards, etc. They are exposing their personal environment and embracing the humanness of this season. Not everyone did, and that’s 100% OK. But many clients took this risk to dive deeper into the world they live in.⁣ * Served the local community professionally even when that could mean direct and ongoing exposure to COVID-19, ⁣ * Keeping a tele-therapy appointment even when it was uncomfortable and unfamiliar,⁣ * Expressing emotion about being isolated and alone during this season and how truly catastrophic that feels internally right now,⁣ * and many more⁣ ⁣ Vulnerability is a pathway, it’s an avenue. There’s a lot of things that have been taken away from us right now. There are a lot of question marks and uncertainties. ⁣ ⁣ The opportunity to emotionally risk for the sake of honesty, growth, rawness, and hope is one thing we will always have. ⁣ ⁣ Here’s to vulnerability!⁣ Love,⁣ Dr. Kendra A. O’Hora, LCMFT
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    Let’s chat vulnerability...⁣ ⁣ I think here lately we’ve been nudged in vulnerability in ways that we weren’t quite prepared for. ⁣ ⁣ Vulnerability means we’re exposed emotionally, physically, spiritually, and/or mentally. ⁣ ⁣ When we actively choose to be vulnerable we are essentially choosing to expose ourselves because we trust that this exposure will lead to opportunity or connection.⁣ ⁣ Vulnerability is something I seek to infuse into therapy as much as possible by highlighting moments in session and reminding my clients that when they take this risk, big things can happen.⁣ ⁣ This week here’s where I saw vulnerability in my people:⁣ * Naming their needs out loud even when they aren’t confident they can be met right now,⁣ * Giving themselves permission and grace. (The world is sending us a lot of messages about how we should spend our time. Vulnerability means that we expose that we are hurting, overwhelmed, tired, and more. I saw my clients actively fight against the narratives that say we have to be: perfect moms, workout every day, be productive, cook at home, etc.),⁣ * Advocating that people practice social-distancing, even if those advocating moments led to conflict or relational stress,⁣ * Showing me their homes, children, partners, pets, cars, backyards, etc. They are exposing their personal environment and embracing the humanness of this season. Not everyone did, and that’s 100% OK. But many clients took this risk to dive deeper into the world they live in.⁣ * Served the local community professionally even when that could mean direct and ongoing exposure to COVID-19, ⁣ * Keeping a tele-therapy appointment even when it was uncomfortable and unfamiliar,⁣ * Expressing emotion about being isolated and alone during this season and how truly catastrophic that feels internally right now,⁣ * and many more⁣ ⁣ Vulnerability is a pathway, it’s an avenue. There’s a lot of things that have been taken away from us right now. There are a lot of question marks and uncertainties. ⁣ ⁣ The opportunity to emotionally risk for the sake of honesty, growth, rawness, and hope is one thing we will always have. ⁣ ⁣ Here’s to vulnerability!⁣ Love,⁣ Dr. Kendra A. O’Hora, LCMFT
  • Oh, friends, this is a hard one, isn’t it? This is a soapbox I could really stay on for awhile; it is so important and such a part of our society. Honestly, even I was guilty of saying this before having my own experience. We do this with all tragedy, not just birth. The instinct to try to comfort by minimizing is so alive and real, I feel it may be part of the human condition. We mean well, don’t we? No one likes to sit with pain - not our own pain, not anyone else pain - everyone wants a way to make it feel better. We think that by comparing experiences and pointing out that something isn’t “as bad” as something that happened to someone else, then that person will feel somehow grateful, and therefore won’t feel bad at all. That this is somehow comforting to the person suffering. The ugly truth? It’s really the exact opposite of what a grieving mother wants to hear. And believe me, any mother who had a birth experience that involved things she didn’t want IS grieving. ⁣ ⁣ It invalidates her feelings, invokes shame, and makes her feel that her experience doesn’t matter. It makes her not feel seen, makes her feel silly for her feelings, makes her feel dramatic or embarrassed or guilty. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of that statement, you know all too well what I’m talking about. This kind of language shuts down conversations too. If you had a traumatic birth experience, but you and your baby lived, why would you share your feelings of guilt and anger with anyone who made you feel ashamed for having them in the first place? ⁣ ⁣ Healthy babies matter. But healthy moms matter too. And not just physically healthy ones - emotionally healthy ones. Ones who feel respected and valuable to their families. Ones who feel empowered and confident in their roles as mothers. And ones who feel they can express and share their feelings without being belittled. ⁣ ⁣ If someone you know had a difficult birth experience, say “I’m sorry. If you need to talk, I’m here” and let it be. You may be the only person to give that space. And that offer of space could make all the difference.⁣ ⁣ We’re in this together,⁣ Erin Newton, LCPC
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    Oh, friends, this is a hard one, isn’t it? This is a soapbox I could really stay on for awhile; it is so important and such a part of our society. Honestly, even I was guilty of saying this before having my own experience. We do this with all tragedy, not just birth. The instinct to try to comfort by minimizing is so alive and real, I feel it may be part of the human condition. We mean well, don’t we? No one likes to sit with pain - not our own pain, not anyone else pain - everyone wants a way to make it feel better. We think that by comparing experiences and pointing out that something isn’t “as bad” as something that happened to someone else, then that person will feel somehow grateful, and therefore won’t feel bad at all. That this is somehow comforting to the person suffering. The ugly truth? It’s really the exact opposite of what a grieving mother wants to hear. And believe me, any mother who had a birth experience that involved things she didn’t want IS grieving. ⁣ ⁣ It invalidates her feelings, invokes shame, and makes her feel that her experience doesn’t matter. It makes her not feel seen, makes her feel silly for her feelings, makes her feel dramatic or embarrassed or guilty. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of that statement, you know all too well what I’m talking about. This kind of language shuts down conversations too. If you had a traumatic birth experience, but you and your baby lived, why would you share your feelings of guilt and anger with anyone who made you feel ashamed for having them in the first place? ⁣ ⁣ Healthy babies matter. But healthy moms matter too. And not just physically healthy ones - emotionally healthy ones. Ones who feel respected and valuable to their families. Ones who feel empowered and confident in their roles as mothers. And ones who feel they can express and share their feelings without being belittled. ⁣ ⁣ If someone you know had a difficult birth experience, say “I’m sorry. If you need to talk, I’m here” and let it be. You may be the only person to give that space. And that offer of space could make all the difference.⁣ ⁣ We’re in this together,⁣ Erin Newton, LCPC
  • Today I was brave. ⁣ ⁣ Say it with me, say it often, say it softly, say it proud. ⁣ ⁣ Today I was brave.⁣ ⁣ I’m hearing clients share via tele-health that they are lonely, struggling, tired, overwhelmed, sad, angry.⁣ ⁣ Bravery is acknowledging all of that. Bravery is existing in this crisis. Bravery is for you and bravery inspires others.⁣ ⁣ Today I was brave.
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    Today I was brave. ⁣ ⁣ Say it with me, say it often, say it softly, say it proud. ⁣ ⁣ Today I was brave.⁣ ⁣ I’m hearing clients share via tele-health that they are lonely, struggling, tired, overwhelmed, sad, angry.⁣ ⁣ Bravery is acknowledging all of that. Bravery is existing in this crisis. Bravery is for you and bravery inspires others.⁣ ⁣ Today I was brave.