“Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” - Vicky Harrison ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I always refer to grief as a tricky little bastard. Mostly because I can’t think of any other combination of words that are both accurate and appropriate to describe it. I’ll never really understand how grief can feel so heavy and but make you feel so empty at the same time. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The worst part is when you’re having an okay day, learning to cope and put one foot in front of the other even on the days you feel like you might crumble, and then out of nowhere a wave of grief overtakes you and you’re forced to surrender to whatever emotion overcomes you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I have learned that it’s better to face the pain then and there than to suppress it, allowing it to manifest differently or in a way that isn’t healthy. It’s easy to go a million miles a minute and want to distract yourself from your pain, but can I encourage you to spend intentional time each day in complete stillness? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We crave things and people that will make us forget about our hurt, but healing only comes when you learn to sit in it and understand that your pain is an integral part of your story. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I don’t believe that loss is something you ever really heal from while we are stuck in our earthly form, but I do believe that we can take steps towards carrying our grief in a way that positions us to make it through until we see our people on the other side of the stars. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For me, that looks like sitting still in my sadness. I don’t run from it. I’m not ashamed of it. It simply is what it is. I allow myself to feel pain and don’t want to live a life where I’m happy simply because I haven’t processed J’s death. I want to be happy because his life and death has inspired me to pursue all that God has for me while I still can. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What does that look like for you?
Happy anniversary to my buddy. These past 3 years were unlike anything I could have imagined for us, and yet I still feel so much gratitude for this day. You are my music producer who supported me when I was ready to drop my mixtape. My ultimate reality checker. My compass and calm in the storm. To my husband and very best friend, thank you for loving me so well and for always choosing forgiveness. I am still not sure how God saw me fit to be your bride, but I’m so thankful that He did. Our cake topper said “The Best is Yet to Come” and even after this past year and season, I still believe that to be true. It’s taken me a long time to get here, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned since J passed away, it’s that life on this side of eternity is so temporary. I think we all know that to be true deep down, but it’s hard to really live that out. The pain that comes with this life can make you feel forgotten, let down, and forsaken. I have felt that way and I hope you can be honest in your hurt that you have, too. But I think about the promise that tells us that He will swallow up death forever, and I feel peace. I feel joy. I feel whole again. The best IS yet to come because what we go through on earth does not even begin to compare to the glory that God wants to reveal in us (Rom 8:18). It doesn’t make the hurt go away, but it makes it a bit easier to sit in. Some of you might need this reminder today or to keep it in your back pocket the next time you feel abandoned by God, but He’s NEVER going to let you down. I don’t say that as someone who has never experienced hard things. I say that as someone who is spending her anniversary thinking on old memories instead of creating new ones. He is good. The best is yet to come. His promises for you are yes and amen. And even when it doesn’t feel that way, I know we just have to hold on until it does. 💓
On July 16, 2016 I walked down the aisle to Smash Into You by Beyoncé and stared into the eyes of the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with. When I met J at the altar he stared back at me with a love and joy that you can only describe if you’ve seen it for yourself in someone else’s eyes. As if I didn’t already know this to be true, looking at J and feeling his love consume me on that day, I knew there was not a soul on earth that I would rather mine to intertwine with. We blubbered through our vows and “in sickness and in health” were already words that we held close to our heart after J had walked with me through my bone marrow disease and path to healing back in 2014. I feel so silly thinking it now, but after everything we had already been through, I thought we would have more time to simply enjoy each other without the weight of the world on our shoulders. We didn’t even make it to a year before life shifted for us. In March of 2017, doctors found a grade 4 glioblastoma in J’s spine after he was starting to show signs of weakness in his legs and was losing his ability to walk. On July 16, 2017 we were paralyzed from the waist down and half way through our first round of chemo and radiation. If this tells you anything about J’s fight and his will to live, he didn’t eat any of our wedding cake because he knew the sugar was the last thing his tumor needed. We got a lot of things wrong in our first year of marriage, but we got a lot of things pretty damn right too. This sense of knowing you will never have to fight alone was evident in our home and even though I didn’t always feel it at times, anyone can tell you that our home was filled with God’s presence and His perfect peace. On July 16, 2018 we were at the Cleveland Clinic and J had suffered a stroke and was losing his ability to breathe on his own. I remember showing him photos from our wedding day as a way to bring a little joy into a hopeless situation, and he looked away... (Cont’d in comments)
Them: does natural makeup actually work? Me: *flexes on em* Foundation: @hyntbeauty (honey chestnut) Concealer: @hyntbeauty (dark) Highlighter: @lilylolo (bondi bronze) Blush: @beautycounter (raspberry) Mascara: @lilylolousacanada Eyeliner: @zuzuluxe (and @elfcosmetics — not clean) Lipgloss: @lilylolousacanada (damson dusk) Brows: @plumescience (midnight) Finishing Powder: @crunchicollection (translucent) Full disclosure — this was before my improv class on Monday and I rarely wear makeup to work but it’s fun to glam up🤗 What natural makeup brands do you love? I’m looking to switch it up!
ℝ𝕠𝕤è 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 ℝ𝕒𝕖 𝕚𝕤 𝕓𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕖𝕡𝕚𝕤𝕠𝕕𝕖 𝟚! In today's episode, I'm sitting down with my soul sister and kindred spirit, @definetta. We both have a huge heart for natural and whole living, so we are chatting through body odor and how to combat it without deodorant (yes, you read that correctly...neither of us wear deodorant everyday), how astrology and crystals fit into the kingdom of God, not conforming to the rules that society places on us, and how to take back your menstrual cycle to live a healthier life. I LOVE what she has to say in this clip on taking back your relationship with your period. And if you tune in to the web show, you'll get a Beyoncè Homecoming performance that clearly sets this off as a twerk episode! Rosè with Rae is best consumed after 1 (or 3) glasses of rosè, so pour a glass, sit back, and join us for episode two. Link in bio to watch/listen 🍾
New week, new goals ✨ It’s been a while since I’ve posted that as a caption lol! Only my old school fab fierce fitness babes will appreciate that 😂 I took four months off from working out and I don’t regret one single day of it. Even though the sabbatical has come to an end, it felt good to focus on nutrition and reset my relationship with food after months of emotional eating leading up to losing J. I have kept quiet over here, but I’ve lost 15 pounds this year. I can’t even tell you in how many months because it wasn’t a set day that I started. I continually prayed for God to work through my eating habits and He did just that. I’ve been focusing on intuitive eating which led to intermittent fasting most days. I know there’s a ton of research that says women shouldn’t IF during most phases of their cycle, but I realized I was eating every meal even on days that I wasn’t hungry and this is what works for me. I started to listen to my body’s gentle cues that it didn’t appreciate when I ate too much gluten, eliminated eggs (for the most part) from my diet, started drinking plenty of water each day, and stopped eating when I was full. Novel concept, I know. I realized that it really is the small things that add up in a big way. Tonight my family had pizza for family dinner and I packed my own meal to stay true to my 5 day reset. I don’t have any rules for these next 5 days other than to do what feels good and what sets my body up for optimal health. Tonight that looks like two glasses of wine and a veggie bowl ✨
Today’s manifestation: I am attracting everything that is working in alignment with my highest good. I am walking in new opportunities, new energy, and a new mindset. I am a force that cannot be stopped. Repeat that until you feel that shit in your marrow 🙌🏾 // 📷: @hunterskyphoto
New month...new web show? YES! Rosè with Rae is finally here! 🥂 Our first episode of #rosèwithrae is up on our YouTube channel, iTunes podcast app, and Spotify 💃🏾 I can’t believe it’s here! In our inaugural episode, I’m sitting down with my best friend @sammiejo09 and chatting through friendship lows and highs and how to meet people where they are + love them through hard seasons. You'll get the rarely told story of how I met my husband, the crazy ex-best friendship that brought Sam and me together, and a few other life lessons on loving yourself and finding balance in work and life. Rosè with Rae is best consumed after 1 (or 3) glasses of rosè, so pour a glass, sit back, and join us for episode one. Link in bio to listen/watch the full episode. Cheers 🥂
I’m just a girl. Staring at a bottle of rosè. Hoping it will solve all of my problems. 😂🤷🏾♀️ I noticed a while ago that I don’t get to always show up on Instagram the way that I want. Stories are a nice behind the scenes look into everyday life but I don’t get to story all that often now that I’m working full time. Feed posts are great but they are so curated I don’t feel like they are always the greatest representation of my everyday life. Just being honest. But me, a bottle of rosè and my best friends? You’re getting the real & unfiltered version of me and that’s SCARY but also refreshing. I’m all about being unapologetically me and Rosè with Rae captures that perfectly. I can’t wait to share more of my heart (the good and the wild) with y’all. Someone actually told me “I didn’t realize you cussed that much!” Whoops. This is me. Can’t wait for you to see! #ilovejesusbuticussalittle #rosèwithrae #cheers 📷: @hunterskyphoto
𝕎𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕦𝕡 ℝ𝕠𝕤è 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 ℝ𝕒𝕖 𝕥𝕠𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕠𝕨! 🥂 I can’t think of a better way to kick off a new month than launching this web show and podcast. I can’t wait to sip rosè with you guys starting tomorrow! 🥂💓 Sit back, pour up, and let’s dive in. #rosèwithrae