I'm feeling autumn in my bones. The light falling with the temperatures, the wind picking up to a roar over a whisper, what feels like crashing waves over a mirrored pond. The past two weeks of consistent rain has lowered my spirits, I don't think I've ever considered being affected by it so much before I just remember never enjoying Octobers. I've ordered extra D for a boost to hold me up until we reach the east in late December where I can be bathed in light, heat and exotic sensorial baths daily. Are you feeling the change in rhythm too? What makes you feel cosy? You'll find me mostly mulling life with a steaming mug in hand and a blanket on my knees. I know, it's so super middle aged and totally uncool but I'm good with that!
⠀ There are things we just know. That we’re going to be friends with the girl we smiled at nervously at the first day of class. That this stranger is going to become such a huge part of our lives and stories. That your baby is going to be a girl and what her name is meant to be. That this person gets you - because you get them. There are things we just know. Because they’re energetic, because they’re intuited, because they’re meant for us. We spend our lives tearing around looking for things that we know are right for us, when if we slow down, if we quieten just a little more, if we ask ourselves and truly listen, we find. We know so much more than we give ourselves credit for because we doubt ourselves, but underneath it all, we know. Trusting in that soft quiet knowing builds up our trust in ourselves, our love for ourselves and our ability to share more with others because we’re sure, because when we know what’s right for us, when we know what makes up ‘me’ we quiet the worry of the opinions of everybody else. So the best thing we can get to know, is ourselves.
‘Love, with little hands Comes and touches you. With a thousand memories, And asks you beautiful, unanswerable questions.’ - Carl Sandburg. . We’ve reached the why stage. And I’m unsure how this can sometimes be so frustrating because her curiosity brings me so much joy it’s got to be one of the best stages so far! Her gentle questioning of why a flower drinks rain, of why a tree grows, of what clouds are made of, her matter of factness on how the weather helps us all brings me back to myself, to this moment, to being present with the small beautiful parts of life. These small curious hands are a reminder of what life is all about and it’s most welcomed in a world that can easily become so noisy and chaotic. . . . . . These towering beauties were home grown from @gracealexanderflowers wonderful seeds. They’ve provided a dozen grounding moments for my girl and I as well as a glorious abundance of flowers.
Every so often it feels as though I’m relearning every tiny detail of the entire world ❀⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ Image from @racheldein captivating exhibition at @hidcotent
BECOMING MORE FREE I set out 10 years ago (today!) on the path of entrepreneurship. Although nobody called it that at the time. I started a business, quite unintentionally but with one end goal - more freedom than I had previously known holding down office jobs. We all get into it for that right? What I hadn't realised is that I would never feel more free from making the money, building the business, doing the do. What's actually given me more freedom in my life is this one. This little girl has helped me do the real work of becoming incrementally more free, more alive, more expressed, more awake to her, to life and to joy but most importantly to myself. It's tough stepping into who it is we really are and holding that to a height, to care for, nourish and appreciate ourselves but when someone needs you - and you desire something so deeply - you shift. You free yourself from what holds you down, what holds you back from living the life, being the person you want and gradually move into it become more you, more free and more joy filled. At times its felt so hard, but looking over it its been such a beautiful unravelling and something I wish for everyone to experience. Releasing Solace was a marker, a point of this journey that had reached a head and it encapsulates that movement into knowing, being and loving yourself more but it's time now for another shift, into becoming more myself, more in love, more curious and more free. I'm so excited - if a little scared - for what's to come. We're feeling the change in the air on the Autumn winds... can you feel it too?
AUTUMN FEELS August and September passed by in collective moments of slow broken down from a blink. We adventured a lot as a family, preparing ourselves for adventures to come abroad as it winters here in England. I shall miss the garden the most. She's been life giving this year gifting me with space to breathe, to slow, to muse, to cultivate, to create and most of all to soften. Being surrounded in soft white petals and the scent of light can do that for the soul. October dawns tomorrow and the air around our home is still warmed with sweetpea. She's fought the height of summer heat, the torrential downpours, swayed with the winds yet still she blooms. And I'm grateful that in her tenderness she has reminded me how to sway with life when I once saw myself as fickle. Being moved by the wind when we're unaware of the destination can give us fear but the sweet wind blowing around our home reaffirms that our coming move is the way we're naturally meant to go - with the birds gliding on pockets of warm air to salted pink sands. And if we return, we will once again plant sweetpeas.